They say that being crazy gets you nowhere. You always hear people heckle and shake their heads while whispering “You’re crazy” or “You’re a nut.” Lately I have been really thinking about this. My entire life I have always thought out of the box. I wanted to go to law school, I wanted to do something big. I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I became a mother and a wife. THOSE ARE BIG THINGS. These are the greatest titles I will ever hold. However, as a woman we all struggle with finding individuality too. This is something I just realized as of about 5 minutes ago… NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND THIS unless they are also a mother and wife. Sadly, I think it’s really true. So, I went to nursing school- finished that. In all honesty, it’s not really my dream. However, you all already know that because I have expressed this before. Therefore, I took a leap of faith and enrolled at Full Sail. Now, there are so many negative things out there about this school, the cost and really just about media schools in general. I haven’t fed into the dreams that they sell. I don’t want to give up everything and chase the dream of being a screenwriter. I don’t want to be an english teacher either. I just want to write and get paid. It could be a newspaper, a magazine… anything. I am even considering being an editor lately. I just want to be in that world. I am allowing myself to dream conservatively. HOWEVER… here is where I am going to veer off onto the crazy lane. AM I CHEATING MYSELF?
Let’s think about it. In your mind think of all the names that cross your mind when you think of successful innovators, directors, novelists, actors/actresses. They have all been considered crazy at some point. Look at Steve Jobs. I know I have mentioned him a million times lately but his passing has really made me take a look at some things. He was absolutely crazy. He was so hard headed. It was his way or no way. He did things the way he envisioned them never taking a look back. He risked it all. He allowed himself to dream. Those are the ones who have changed the world. The ones who stepped out of their comfort zones, the ones who had something to lose. These people were fueled by desire,passion and a never ending flow of ideas. They wanted to make things better, to change the world, to make a mark. Martin Luther King Jr. was insane. With everything going on around him, he stepped out and he worked to make his dream become a reality. My point with all of this is simply this: Is being conservative the best option in life? If we all took the safe route in life or dreamed conservatively, where would we be? Imagine a world without Lincoln, Einstein, Henson, Jobs, MLK, Gates, Rosa Parks, and all the others who stepped out or who lived out of the box. Our world most certainly would not be what it is today. That is one thing I know for sure.
As I sit here and constantly second guess myself, I think of my husband’s words to me yesterday. He said “You’ve already come this far. Why give up now?” I am having some financial aid issue at the moment. That being said, when it all washes out I may not have an option. But for now, I do. I want to write. I love to write. I am sure this is my path ( I think? Haha) Maybe sure is not the right word but I have a strong hunch. However, I am SURE that I will question my decision on whether this is the safest option for me school wise and degree wise. The answer is most likely no. Creative Writing in general is never a sure thing. Add in the “For entertainment” tag and I may be dooming myself. Who knows? What if Full Sail doesn’t do right by me? Who knows? But in truth, who really knows anything anymore? I saw something one of my professors posted on Facebook yesterday. It said “Fail More.” This is really something to think about. If you are not failing then you are not trying. If you are not planning on risking failure then you aren’t putting the best you have to offer into it. So maybe we should all fail more. Or maybe I just used up the last three huge paragraphs to psychoanalyze myself. Who knows?
Until later… Go insane. Dream. Fail a lot. Succeed.
One Life. One Love. One God.